It’s a tad crazy to know that around this time last year, I was working in New York, and had recently graduated. Even crazier, knowing how much has changed in a year, or for that matter how much can change in a day. How the sum of the present was the result of choices from the past- how even by doing nothing, that in itself is a form of choice/agency.
Which reminds me of Kierkegaard’s take on individuality and self hood aka the true self. How we succumb to the pitfalls of losing our self in the finite and, or infinite.
Because in essence most of the times that’s what post grad. (or even life in general) has felt like:
The “whoa, so many possibilities!” and with it, a plethora of choices and options to choose from that leaves one in a state of limbo, inaction and, or confusion. This notion as Kierkegaard states is that, “anxiety is the dizziness of freedom.”
And then of course, the finite- limitations set by ourselves, set by societal norms and conventions, and living in a way that we believe is to be expected, or just limitations, in general- whatever they may be.
In both cases, we are less than our individual self.
In Kierkegaard’s case the only reasonable choice that we have, is what he refers to as the “leap of faith,” The only choice that allows you to choose the person you will be rather than let the world choose for you.
Granted yes, I think Kierkegaard was talking specifically about Christianity and love, though I like to parallel that with trusting the universe, trusting the unknown. What Elizabeth Gilbert would probably say is one of the steps to “big magic” and like Gilbert, I would utter a similar sentiment, “trust what you’re attracted to and it’ll take you to where you need to go.” Though without context this sounds really stupid, but underlying it this notion of
“choosing curiosity over fear.”
And what comes with it is a really beautiful question, of what the world would be like if we were all curious: if we were all curious and concerned about each other, curious about knowing ourselves, curious about ideas, more curious then we are afraid.
So no, I’m not going to say, “Omg yassss let’s make that leap of faith! #YOLO.”
Trust me, I’m not ready to make a leap nor do I think I’ll ever be. I want to wholeheartedly trust the unknown, I do, but I’m afraid. I’m afraid of letting go- letting go of what I know. Letting go of what’s familiar, of what’s comfortable, letting go of perceived security. But I guess, I’m also afraid of the no control-the sense that what I don’t know- the unknown, is really something I have no control over. So maybe I’ll make the leap one day, some day…or not…who knows.
In the meantime, a more pragmatic approach- sit with the unknown, the I don’t knows, and of course, choose curiosity.